Unholy virus alert

Is your computer invaded by demons?

Terrible news! A report by the Reverend Jim Peasboro reveals that one in ten computers in America now houses an evil demon bent on Satanic corruption. (This is not to be confused with Windows XP, which is a completely beneficial operating system blessed by the Pope.)

According to the Rev, demons – the evil agents of Satan – ‘can possess anything with a brain’. This includes men, women, children – and now computers. (And also, apparently, chickens.) Details of the report can be found here.

Meanwhile, to protect our loyal visitors from demonic outbreaks, the Godchecker Research Team can reveal the following facts:

Symptoms of the evil infestation:

  • Suspicious clicking and whirring inside the computer
  • Satanic symbols cunningly disguised as desktop icons
  • ‘Page not found’ errors when accessing holy websites such
    as www.godchecker.com
  • Unsolicited email messages from Nigeria

What you can do to protect yourself

  • Invest in a good quality demon-checking program.
    (We recommend Norton’s Anti-Satan 2002.)
  • Ensure your system is thoroughly exorcised at least once a week
  • Sprinkle your keyboard with a reputable brand of Holy Water
  • Never open any email attachments labelled SATAN.EXE
  • Do not be tempted to sell your soul on Ebay

More advice, taken from the End Times Deliverance Center Manual, can be found here. Good luck.

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