Discovered: Orion Pregnancy Testing Kit

Primitive pregnancies revealed in the stars

A tiny hunk of ancient mammoth tusk contains the world’s first pregnancy testing kit, claims German archeologist Dr Michael Rappenglueck.

The tiny ivory tablet, found in a cave in the Alb-Danube region of Germany, bears the image of the constellation ORION as seen 32,500 years ago. Which could well be the first recorded picture of a God we know about.

And on the back are 86 mysterious marks. These have caused experts much head-scratching, but Dr Rappenglueck believes they correspond to the 86 days that Betelgeuse, ORION’s brightest star, is visible from Earth. Now pay attention: 365 days of the year, minus 86 mysterious marks, equals the average gestation period of a human baby.

What does this mean? It means that primitive babies could only be conceived when ORION The Hunter gave the word. We imagine whole tribes of broody females watching the night sky impatiently.

Anyone who cares to try ORION’s Betelgeuse Method of contraception is welcome to share their experiences with Godchecker.

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