Dirges of Woe

April 23, 2003

Seek and ye shall find…

Due to popular demand (and the fact we keep getting emails asking for info already on the site), we’re adding a Holy Search Engine to Godchecker.

You can already search the database for Gods, but now you’ll be able to search the entire site for myths, comment, pics and Gods in the news. Expect this miracle of technology to appear in the next day or so. Meanwhile, if you’re having trouble navigating the site, please let us know as we aim for total customer satisfaction.

Irritable Browse Syndrome

We have received an anonymous email accusing us of racism and ineptitude (to put it nicely). This is the first such email we’ve had since the site was started and we were consequently a little shocked. The email concerns our database entry on CHUKU, the African Sky God, which runs thus:

“CHUKU: Ibo Sky God. We don’t know what Ibo means. It could be an abbreviation for some kind of irritable bowel syndrome.”

Now that may not be totally informative, but with over two thousand Gods in our files there are naturally many entries which aren’t yet complete. The Holy Database is a work in progress and constantly being updated.

Our anonymous correspondent writes:
“The Ibo are an African people of Nigeria. Once again the arrogance of Eurocentrism and white supremacy that makes the creators of this site think they can play with a reference to a people with a long tradition by making a reference that is insulting. What if I were to refer to white people as mutant sufferers of leprosy where all of the white spots blended together. It’s obvious that there was not much research put into this site – just the input of information from popular reference materials. Maybe you all should consult with experts.”

We have a couple of comments to make. First, as long-standing residents of one of the most multi-cultural towns in the UK (if not Europe), the idea that we are white supremists is just plain silly. (If we were, we’d be making a horrible monotheistic site, not one that thrives on multi-cultural beliefs and ethnic diversity!)

As for the crack about our research, we quote: “A bewildering array of sources was used to compile the Godchecker Holy Database. Our team of researchers have consulted everything from musty 100 year-old encyclopedias to cutting-edge digital archaeology bulletins.” (For those interested, a huge list of reference materials is being prepared for our Godchecker Bibbleography page, available soon.)

If our anonymous correspondent would take a look around the site, he, she or it would soon discover that all races, creeds and peoples are treated equally. That is, with Godchecker humor. If there is a terrible pun to be made, we will make it whether the subject is Greek, Egyptian, African or Oceanic. And it should be obvious to all that the CHUKU entry in question is nothing more than a self-depreciatory joke at our own expense. Because, unlike some people, we have no problem laughing at ourselves.

By coincidence, we were planning to include a section dedicated to visitor feedback. Because (until now) we’ve received nothing but applause, this section was going to be called Songs Of Praise. But perhaps we should change it. How about Dirges Of Woe?

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Off Beet Mythology

April 17, 2003

Secrets of the beetroot revealed

The Gods work in mysterious ways. Last year, a chance encounter with the book Jitterbug Perfume led us to believe that the humble beet was hiding a profound secret.

Now our research can reveal the truth. Far from being a slightly boring vegetable fit only for dulling the tastebuds of Russian tourists, beetroot is actually full of magic. Looking for inspiration and wisdom? Want to improve your love life? Read our special report on Beetroot Mythology and find out how!


America’s oldest God revealed

April 11, 2003

Staff God still smiling after 4,253 years

Fragments of gourd found in Peru have revealed the oldest known image of a God in the American continent.

Known as the ‘Staff God’, this fanged deity with a shamanic pole was a major player in Andean culture and was still going strong during the final days of the Incan empire. The image, a cartoon-like painting on gourd pottery, dates to approx 2250 BC.

“To find something like this preserved… is being blessed by the Gods.” Richard Burger, Yale Peabody Museum. We heartily agree.

Full story is here. Our illustration (above), based on images by Jonathan Haas and Jill Seagard, has been embellished by Godchecker photo enhancement for easier visual recognition. Incidentally, Haas and Seagard are part of the Field Museum, Chicago, which is also home to Sue, the famous T-Rex. A visit is highly recommended.


Take your pic. The Gods get in the picture

April 7, 2003

Snaps from the Godly photo album…

We’ve had many requests for images of Gods and Goddesses. Everyone wants to know what the Gods look like!

We currently have almost 500 original illustrations of Gods, all produced exclusively for Godchecker.

We’re currently considering making the full-size images available for a tiny fee. Stay tuned for details. Meanwhile, if you’re looking for a high-quality illustration of a particular God or Goddess for homework, a magazine article or a webpage, please contact us and we’ll see if your God is in stock.


Special Report: London Aztec Exhibition

April 2, 2003

Godchecker meets the God of Death and several cereal killers


Our special report on the Aztec Exhibition is now online!

“XIPE and COATLICUE were dressed in their best skins… Somehow the texture of flayed skin as portrayed by the Aztecs resembles puffed wheat. So those of a nervous disposition can think of cereal killers rather than serial killers.”

Read the full report with exclusive pics (sneakily taken by our dedicated Godsnapper before he was clapped in irons and fed to TLATLOC).