God’s phone number leads to hell

Almighty case of mistaken identity

Everyone knows that the devil’s phone number is 666. But God himself has been plagued by calls after his private hotline was accidentally made public in the film ‘Bruce Almighty’.

Unfortunately, dialling the Almighty’s phone number does not connect you to Pearly Gates Customer Service. In fact it leads to a private line belonging to the manager of a sandwich shop. Andy Green, who lives in the less-than-heavenly Greater Manchester, UK, has been deluged with calls from people believing him to be The Man Upstairs.

“People have been asking me all sorts of weird questions,” he explained in an interview with the BBC. Calls to the baseball cap-wearing deity have ranged from pleas for forgiveness to requests for cash. No-one has yet asked for a Holy Sandwich and, so far, no-one has attempted to interest the Almighty in double-glazing. But it’s only a matter of time.

When displaying phone numbers on screen, Hollywood uses a non-existent ‘555’ code to prevent real numbers accidentally being used. In ‘Bruce Almighty’ they must have forgotten this 555 code (or even a 666 code), resulting in sleepless nights and hassle for Andy and several other reluctant Almightys around the world.

Andy is now considering legal action against filmmakers Universal. But wait! Think of the commercial possibilities. “Looking for a spiritual snack? Call God’s Sandwich Emporium! A range of heavenly fillings on offer. Loaves and fishes a specialty!”

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